User blog:Skylord Elberich/Into the Cave
"Come along now, Vidalia!" Said the Collector to his apprentice "We've have no time to waste, none at all!" His apprentice was still yawning, as she wasn't used to getting up at 6 o'clock in the morning. "Ugh, why now? What is so important it can't wait 'til tomorrow?" Vidalia inquired, but The collector ignored her question, as he was too busy packing a small rucksack. "Come on, we HAVE to get a move on if we're to be there on time!" "But you can travel THROUGH TIME! It's almost impossible for you to be late!" Vidalia moaned. The Collector, upon realising what she said was true, stopped what he was doing, and sat in a way that suggested he was re-evaluating his life. "That's right, Vidalia" He spoke, in a quiet way that he does when he get something wrong. "Well, at least now we can enjoy a nice cup of tea." After a tea break that went absolutely haywire, The Collector cleaned the blood off of his suit, fixed Vidalia's broken ankle, and got back to packing his rucksack. "So, where are we going, anyway?" Diptera queried. "We are going to the Caverns of Effulgence. There's something I wish to add to my collection. Something that only occurs every quadrillion years. That's why I was so hasty before. Catch." The Collector threw Vidalia a six-shooter made form a strange metal, similar in colour to gold. It had a spanner symbol on it. "Why am I gonna need a gun?" Vidalia nervously asked. "The Caverns of Effulgence are constantly patrolled by Blue Moon Beasts." the Collector answered. "Great horrible wolf-things with Egytian blue fur and razor-sharp teeth. Prowlers that looked at the full moon, and left the Dog behind. That's why you need a gun." Vidalia was silent for a few seconds, then yelled "SO YOU GAVE ME A FRIGGIN' SIX-SHOOTER?!!!" The Collector, offended, simply said "That's not just a 'friggin' six-shooter' young lady. That's a Texas Two-step, made from 25-carat faustrium, and a mechanism so complex it effects the space time continuum, which in turn, creates it's own ammunition. That's one of the best guns ever made, and the best you're ever gonna see." As Vidalia was about to apologise for insulting his gun, The Collector said "And don't apologise to me. Apologise to it's creator." "What exactly is faustrium?" Asked Vidalia, breaking the awkward silence that last roughly 5 hours whilst The Collector got the teledoor ready. "Ah, faustrium... It's an element, similar to gold, but better. Has supernatural qualities, too. It's useful for guns, life-extension apperatus, idiocy-diminishers, among other things. It's said that a Demiurge uses it to create prototypes of universes, before the real thing's made." Vidalia was fascinated by The Collector's vast knowledge, and how he explained it as if it were common knowledge. It's one of the reasons why she accepted his offer to become his apprentice. "Say, won't you need a gun?" The Collector gave her a knowing look, and simply replied "I have my umbrella." "Ah, the door is ready!" exclaimed The Collector, after 10 hours of teledoor preparation. As the door opened, the duo were greated with a beautiful sight. It was a great carvern, filled with fantastical flora, and an eerily beautiful blue light. Fluttering among the flowers were various insects, mostly butterflies and their kin. Fungi that glowed in a myriad of different colours sprouted from the undergrowth. Trees grew from the hard ground, bearing strange fruits and magnificent blossoms. Crystals of varying colour and hue grew from the walls, offering it's own luminescence to the plants and animals below. "Wow, it's... beautiful." whispered Vidalia, in complete awe. The Collector, with a slight smile on his face, calmly replied "Isn't it? Well, we're not gonna collect the thing standing here and gawping at a mossy glowing hole in the ground. Onwards!" The two marched through the caverns, and while Vidalia was taking in the scenery, The Collector simply looked forward. He knew his goal, he just had to get there. No point being distracted by pretty lights and living things. Suddenly, he stopped. He motioned to Vidalia to hide behind a tree, and the hid himself. When Vidalia saw his face, she saw that he was paler than usual. She was about to ask what was wrong, then she remembered the inhabitants of this cave. "Blue Moon Beasts?" "Blue Moon Beasts." "Right. So, what do we do now, C?" asked Vidalia, a concerned look on her face ever-increasing. "Well as I see it, we have 3 plans of action. 1. we try to sneak around the beast, and get killed. 2. We try to reason with the beast, and get killed." "And plan number three?" The Collector, who had since regained his composure, gave Vidalia a look so confident, it momentarily melted away her fear. And then he said "Use our guns." "But what if that doesn't work?" "Use more gun. Heh, I always wanted to say that line, ever since I watched that 'Meet the Engi-" "Uhh, C? The, um, 'BMB' is lookin' straight at us" Vidalia said, alarmed. "And you don't have a gun, Mister C." The Collector chuckled, pointed his umbrella at the Beast, and shot. "Don't I?" he uttered, with a smug look on his face. The only thing Vidalia could say to this amazing display of firearm technique in the face of an eldritch beast was "Alright then." The duo quickly got to work, 'work' being shooting anything that got in their way. "Wait, what is it we're actually looking for?" Vidalia asked while spraying a monster's brains on a nearby tree. The Collector explained "We are looking for a fissure in a wall, a very distinct one. It contains a flower, the only one of it's species, and I plan to breed it, if it's possible." "And which flower is this?" "The Solanum Macaberus, or Ghastly Nightshade. A very beautiful flower, indigo colouring. And it exudes a scent that puts all perfumes to shame. It lives for thousands of years, and is very hardy, able to survive on nothi-" "It's over there! I see it!" Vidalia pointed at a small, almost unoticable fracture in the rock wall of the cave. And in it was a small, unremarkable-looking flower. The very flower they saught after. "So then, C, how we gonna get this home?" inquired Vidalia, staring at the almost insignificant-looking flower. The Collector replied by throwing a trowel and a flower pot at her, saying "Use these. And be quick about it! We must not dilly-dally!" After the plant had been carefully placed in the plant pot, and the duo narrowly missing the claws of a moon-poisoned Prowler, they finally got home, where Vidalia asked The Collector why the flower was so important to him. "Birthday gift. For a lady friend. If they reproduce." "And if they don't?" The Collector, paused to light and smoke a cigarillo , and then said "Then my collection shall be an item short." Category:Blog posts